Minha Vida no Brasil

Coisas Bobas do Brasil pt 2

I have spent the past week observing people/things to make sure that I didn’t forget anything. I decided to start a list of everything, just so I’d be sure to remember the odd, the shocking, and sometimes the straight up silly. Vamo-la, parte 2. 

1. I think that the mentality in the US during middle school is, “Well you’re already sort of awkward/not at your peak of physical beauty, why not add on a couple “bad” more things? e.g. acne, glasses, awkward body figure, and BRACES.” Here, someone skipped that memo and I have seen more adults with braces than teenagers (unfortunate, né?). I went out dancing one night and a boy approached me. Blah blah blah, we started talking, and he asked how old I was, 18, I asked how old he was, 20. Wait, 20!?!?! You’re 20 and you have braces?! I would’ve guessed he was maybe 17/18, but 20? Why not put this “biddie repellents” on closer to puberty than adulthood?! A friend of mine is about to graduate high school and said that next year, when he enters college, he will be getting braces…and glasses…Should I make a PSA saying that college is for being ‘sexayyy’ and middle school is for being a ‘rookayyy.’ People will thank me later… 

2. I don’t know if this is a country wide phenomenon (I’ll go bold and say state-wide, I’ll have to do some thorough research in this one…) but the toilets are…different. Instead of dropping the toilet paper in the toilet after your, ahem, business, you put it in the sealed trashcan next to the toilet.  I guess the country was built on poor sewage systems? Also, in order to remove all of the debris, you must hold down the handle of the toilet for longer than the ‘normal, US holding-toilet-handle-down-for.’ I, of course, learned that you do not put the toilet paper in the toilet nor do you flush for less than 3 seconds, the hard way. It was my first week of school and during the break (when everyone uses the bathroom), I like the rest of the girls, used the bathroom. After flushing, the water still resembled lemonade more than Evian. When I stepped out of the stall and the girl who was using it after me saw, there was an awkward, “Ew.” OMD [oh meu deus!] perfect Mean Girl time! Remember when the Plastics are in Regina’s room and they’re all saying things that they don’t like about themselves, 

Karen: God. My hips are huge! 

Gretchen: Oh please. I hate my calves. 
Regina: At least you guys can wear halters. I’ve got man shoulders. 
Cady: [voiceover] I used to think there was just fat and skinny. But apparently there’s lots of things that can be wrong on your body. 
Gretchen: My hairline is so weird. 
Regina: My pores are huge. 
Karen: My nail beds suck. 
[pause. All look at Cady] 
Cady: I have really bad breath in the morning.  

Ok, so after Cady says, “I have really bad breath in the morning.” Karen says, “Ew.” <— is the look I got after I walked out of the bathroom. Not the best first impression. I’m interested in the fact that some people have not mastered the proper disposal/flushing technique. Now, when Iwalk into a bathroom stall and see that someone didn’t take the proper precautions, I’m like, “Neophyteeeeee. Get with the program here!!” 

3. In learning a language, you have to learn the grammar etc, claro, but also the tone/rhythm of the speakers. It makes you sound more authentic and gives you a grool personality change. Something I’ve noticed is that (usually) when men are talking and want to refute a point, their voice will rise about eight octaves to communicate their unhappiness with what you said. My brothers do it ALL the time. I’ve called them out a couple of times and they just laughed. It’s really amusing because you’re not expecting it, so just sounds silly. I haven’t been able to find a good video of this, so imagine my change in voice when I imitate my mom aka SPV. “Oh mah gawd…”

4. I’ve been told that Brasilian men tend to like thicker women (no wonder my host mom wants me to eat enough food for a small African tribe at lunchtime). Because woman are proud to show their robust figures, many choose to walk around displaying their midriffs. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36EBi5tQQrg Fast forward to about 1:15, this is the norm. I mean, sometimes it’s grool, if there is a gatinha walking down the street, tá, seeing a little tomach is acceptable. But, like this episode of Curb shows us, a little midriff goes a long way! Sometimes I want to lend my shirt/bookbag/any extra fabric that is on my person. I can’t decide if 1. people like showing their stomachs 2. do it because it’s hot outside (yeah, I schvitz like no other, but I still cover it up) 3. It’s the fashion? (Who hasn’t watched What Not to Wear, where Stacy and Clinton say that not every article of clothing that is “in fashion” is right for your body!?) 4. People want to show the authority who’s boss and are being rebellious 5. If people just wear clothes for a long time until they get too small and instead of buying new clothes, they decide to ….help the environment? and wear ones that don’t fit. I think this question is going to stay unanswered, I mean, I don’t have that much  chutzpah to ask someone… lawl. 

5. Cheating! I wish that the PC Community Council could come down here and see what the average day is like. Since I don’t really take any tests, I don’t know if this statement stretches beyond homework etc, but ai meu deus! Everyone copies each other’s homework, classwork, basically any graded thing. For the most part, I kept a pretty clean academic record, so to come down here and see this amount of copying, it’s shocking! I always think about the only schmuck who does his homework, who by peer pressure (damn PP, gets you every time…) is forced to give up their work and give it to someone else! Who will then give it to someone else and someone else and someone else and the chain is started. Ok, I do have to admit…my one friend asked me to help her with her Spanish homework, which I decided to just do for her (I can’t help it! I like conjugating verbs!!…oh, did i just say that out loud? tits, embarrassing….) which she ended up giving to the rest of the class to copy etc. The only reason I 1% justify that is because it’s helping me not to forget my Spanish! Lawl, if my dad were to read that, he’d pull a classic Turk and struggle at lifting his arm and say, “I’d like to lift my arm, but it’s so weak!” Referring to my excuse. Oh Turk, estou com saudades de voce!! I do find it interesting that the teachers don’t notice that everyone has the same answers, same length, same everything. I don’t know how to necessarily go about handling the situation, probably because it’s out of my control. But lawl, it’d be so funny if Community Council came down here and showed some punks who’s boss. Wait, tits, I’m one of those punks…fail, Kelsey!! 

I think this is everything. I’m sure as time goes on, the silliness will continue, my laughter will continue, and of course, my communication to the 215 and beyond with continue. 

k, beijos!

xoxo, kf 

P.S. I don’t think it’s any secret that I like to “bust a move” on the dance floor (Ok, in the US, in the US!! Here is doesn’t count! I can’t help it that I’m not naturally able to shake my b00t@yyy) and this music has become my new jam music. It’s called Funk, originated in the favelas of Rio, and is SO good. The lyrics are really dirty etc, but lucky for me, I don’t understand/ if I did understand, I’d prob like it more. lolol http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Pq3g3Q7jKM&feature=related divirta-se!!