Minha Vida no Brasil

Me da seu numero de celular?

Ok, so I’ve been here for a good 5 months and something that has not stopped amazing me since this first week has been the entire phone situation that this country operates on. In Brazil, there are essentially 4 cellphone carriers: Claro, Oi, Tim, Vivo. Depending on your carrier, your phone number will start with numbers from that operator. For example, my phone numer is (098) 8153 6109. 81=Tim. k grool. 

So, something that I can’t figure out about this country is how everyone seems to be SO attached to their cellphones, yet everyone is without credit a-l-l-t-h-e-t-i-m-e (does that make you read it like letter by letter? I just mean to have it exaggerated, ok, tanto faz). Without credit means not able to make a call or send a text message. When you call someone on the same carrier, the call is usually not free , it just costs less. What do I mean? To call Tim-Tim, it’s R$00.25 for the first minute and then unlimited. Oi-Claro, PER MIN, it can be like R$4. R$4/minute!! Are you serious?! So it doesn’t mean that you are charged R$4, it’s that whatever that cost is, is deducted from your monthly minute limit. If I have, let’s say 100 min/month, if I talk to someone from a different carrier for 5 minutes, I could have essentially used half of my monthly limit. HALF. Are we joking? Like are we for cereal right now? 

My family just switched from Claro to Tim. Can I tell you, Claro is the worst ever. Ok, coverage wise, it’s normal, (I’ll get to the kvetching about the coverage in a sec) but NO ONE else has Claro. Therefore, every time that I want to call someone else, I have to know exactly what I want to say, talk quickly, and hope that there isn’t some sort of confusion where I have to call back. With the plan that my family had, I had unlimited calls to other people in the family (my parents and my bros) (but wait, why do I want unlimited calling to my parents? I kinda prefer unlimited calls to my friends and restricted to them…lol). Also, I had, literally not joking 1%, 12 text messages per month. PER MONTH! Ok, I don’t understand why the US doesn’t send Verizon down here, open up some stores, have the plan where you can pay $5 extra/month and have UNLIMITED texting. So, I would have to decide, do I really like this person? Do they deserve one of my 12 text messages that will have to last me thirty days? If I don’t really like you, well then I guess you wouldn’t get one. If I was iffy, depended on the day, and if I liked you, pode deixar, I’d made the sacrifice. 

With this plan, I could receive as many calls/text messages as people wanted to send me, I just could never respond. After sending like 2 texts, I get a text from the cell phone company, “You have used 25% of this line’s limit of text messages. Please check with the operator if you would like to change.” I HATE those text messages. Ok, for the people who knew me at home, they know that I was not one to be getting text messages from everyone at all times of the day or night (Gladeline), I would frequently just get one, from my dad asking what time I’ll be home. FML, I know.  So, when I would get these false text messages from the cellphone company I would get so excited and be like, OMG sext! Someone loves me!! And then I’d quickly be let down and realize that it’s Claro texting me to tell me that I can’t call anyone else this month. Tits to that. 

As I said earlier, everyone is sem credito (totes every Brazilian’s most commonly used phrase). As a way to make a call, when you are sem credito, you have to call a cobrar,  or call collect (I wish they had cool Carrot Top commericals like this one http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-Eu7sv_a6Y what a stud). You dial 9090+ the number. The problem with calling collect is that it’s SUPER expensive for the other person to receive your call. If calling from one operator to the next is R$4/min, calling collect is like R$8 or R$10. Ridic, right? Which leads me into the next topic of dando um toque.

Dar um toque, is literally give a touch, but in this scenario, it means give a ring. Which means, I call collect to your phone, and so you don’t have to pay, ask soon as you pick up, I hang up or you hang up and you call me back. This is also used as a way to let people get your attention, but let the person with the “better” plan be the one who calls back. E.g. My friend has two chips (SIM cards) from two different carriers. Now that I have TIM, my plan lets me call for free to any other person with TIM. So, if he wants to talk to me, he’ll call me with his Oi and when I pick up, he’ll hang up, and I’ll call him back on the other chip/number. Like so much confusion when it’s really not that necessary. I get SO frustrated all the time because it’s like, flippin work you stupid phone! ugh, i h8 every1 aka just the phone system. 

Coverage. Remember when I said about the coverage a couple of paragraphs up? Ok, here is the thing, I think that every carrier has relatively good service and signal throughout the city, I haven’t really had any problems. The one thing, though, that makes me SO angry, is when people are fora de área, ou seja, they are 1 foot outside of the city limits so I can’t call you. Or you’re in a part of the city where your signal is bad. My Brazilian cousin lives like a little outside of the city. She’s outside the legal limits of São Luís, but she’s still in the “city”. It’s not like I live in center city and she lives in Blue Bell. It’s like I live in center city and she lives like Chesnut Hill-y. Whatev, tanto faz. So, either when I want to call her at her house, there’s a 90% chance that her phone is out of area and I can’t connect with her. Or, if I’m at her house, there’s a 90% chance someone who wants to call me won’t be able to because I’m now fora de área. Like lamesauce x297834! I miss the days of living in Blue Bell and being able to call a friend in New York or California or Florida, from my CELLPHONE and have it cost the same amount as if I were calling my neighbors down the street. Sometimes when we’re driving to a city, Barrerinhas, like 3 hours away, until we reach Barrerinhas, the entire SLZ-BAR estrada, I have no signal. Think beyond the immediate of, “Oh, what if some gatinho calls me and I can’t answer because I’m fora de área!” But more like, “Oh, what if I’m driving and have a car accident, how am I going to call for help?!” Serious problems!! 

Two weeks ago there was a Noah’s Arc-like rainstorm and my cousin’s car got messed up in the rain and my phone like fell into a puddle, so I had to use this new phone with my old chip. And I don’t know if this is a phone problem or a chip problem, but recently the new “cool” thing to do is instead of ringing, like a normal phone, and alerting me that someone is calling me, one minute, one hour, a day later, I get a text message that says, “You received a call from (098) xxxx-xxxx at xx:xx pm.” Ok, TIM, I have a better idea, how about you just flippin ring when someone calls me and then you don’t 1. have to get my hopes up by hearing the sound of a text message 2. tell me that someone called and I don’t even know who called me because the number is all messed up etc. Like for cereal! 

All of this confusion etc creates for an irritated population and a stingy population because I don’t want to lend my cellphone to anyone else because I might need to call/text someone later. I never once thought about using up all of my minutes for the month at home. Probably because it was free Verizon-Verizon, free weekends, and free after 9pm-5am. And unlimited text/picture ;-)/ video messages. Em fim, if anyone knows/has a relative/friend/contact at Verizon, AT&T, Sprint, or any other American phone company, PLEASE recommend that they open a branch in Brasil. If before July, preferably São Luís, Maranhão, but if with paperwork etc, it’s going to take a little longer, they can start in the big cities and work out. Tell them to open it with the same plans as the US and charge comparable prices and watch revenues GROW GROW GROW. I bet you 1 whole (devaluing) American dollar, that 1. people will eat that jawn from breakfast because it’s American 2. because you’ll so much more for such less prices etc! Oh, and if Verizon has any questions, my email is kelsey.flitter@gmail.com.

k, xoxo!! beijão galera!

kf

ps. I’m going to a concert tonight, Forfun, and my neighbor is going to open for the concert!! I was helping him learn the lyrics to a SOJA (new fav band, decide your gone, classicccccc) song that he’s going to play tonight!  Yayyy! I’ll let you know how it goes. 

pps. A major part of my last post that I left out was the effect that the church has on the young generation. So many people are so concerned with “what people at church will think/say” if they they go out on a Friday night. Which means that young people are missing out on the excitement of being young and going to parties, going out dancing, staying out past midnight, because of the influence of the church. Yes, I understand that some people might simply not enjoy going out, others like going to Bible study on a Saturday, but for the people who want to go out and want to experience what their city has to offer but are restricted by their parents etc, I think it’s ridiculous. We’re young! We’re suppose to go out, get into trouble, and learn from it in the morning. But whatev, maybe that’s just my liberal American opinion (Ok don’t front, you totes know that you agree with me though…) lol. xoxo!