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As Regras da Minha Vida
I was a bit hesitant to publish this on my blog for the whole world to see, but I think that my readers would enjoy this, in an amusing way, and also as an insight into Brazilian culture. I do not mean to cause any offense towards my host family, but I think that this set of rules show what upper-class Brazilian society is like. The things that they think, the things that they like and don’t, and sometimes the ridiculous things that they do. Vamo la.
As Regras da Minha Vida:
Today in school, in religion (ok, really didn’t feel like listening to my teacher tell me how bad abortion, gay marriage, and fresh new ways of thinking are) so I thought about my life in Brazil and the various rules that my host mom has given me. Now, a majority of these rules are not spoken, but more what I’ve been able to infer. If I did x, instead of y, things might be smoother. But, because I’m a rebel (;-) ) doing x when I want to do y, is frequently not going to happen, lol. I promise I’m not purposely difficult, and I don’t think that my host mom thinks that I’m difficult, I think that she is looking at me being here as a learning experience (let’s hope for that) and that my resistance to her pushing has some good to it. I guess we’ll see in August…lol.
1. A Proper Lunch is not pizza.
Today was my friend from school’s birthday. When I was getting out of the car, I said to my mom, that we were going to go for lunch in Centro, and (my Polish friend) Maria planned for us to go to a pizzeria. She looked at me like I had just said that I was planning on going to a motel (place you go to get your freak on, if only…) after school. “Tu vai comer pizza? Para o almoço? You’re going to eat pizza, for lunch?” “Sim? É estranho? Yeah, is that weird?” “Pizza é um lanche, não é almoço. Pizza is a snack, not lunch.” “Uh..Ok..? (thinking to myself, why do you care what I eat for lunch/who made this rule?).” Like I didn’t think that saying that for one day of my Brazilian life I wasn’t going to eat rice and meat would cause such a controversy. Oh and FYI, the pizzeria was closed so we ended up going to like a churrascaria anyway.
2. There are proper hobbies and not proper hobbies. Of course, I have only picked up the not proper hobbies, stellar Kels, just stellar.
As I’ve said in other posts, I have started to dance. Learning all different kinds of Brazilian dances and I love it! 1. It helps me not gain the “Exchange 15” and also I’m learning more about things that I, Kelsey, like to do. For some odd reason this is a ridiculous activity, and I would be much better received at home if I chose to sit at home on the computer all day and not leave the house like my brothers. Ok, def not going to happen. Sorry that I like to do things with my exchange…
3.You cannot do a, b, c, and d, with the neighbors:
a.Have extended conversations with them because they are all yentas and will twist my words into something I didn’t say. E.g. I said jokingly to a neighbor that I don’t want to leave, and she told my mom that I said that I’m never going home and going to stay here forever. Like Y-E-N-T-A!!
b. Ask for a cup of sugar, for example, if you happened to run out when you’re baking. Yesterday a box arrived from my parents and my mom put in some Ghirardelli Brownie Mix (yum, thnx Nance xoxo). I had already lit the oven and greased the pan when I realized that we didn’t have enough vegetable oil to fill the recipe. I was like, oh, ok, I’ll go knock on the door of one of the 3 other apartments that share o 4 andar with my family. My housekeeper almost had a conniption and said, “NO KELSEY. YOU CAN’T DO THAT!! Your mom would not like that! You can’t go ask someone else for a vegetable oil! She would get very angry with you!” So, instead of walking the ten feet to the house across the way, I had to walk to the supermarket and back, for like ½ c of vegetable oil. LAME. Valeu, mamãe.
c.Trust them because they love to have the latest gossip, so anything that the yentas say to me or that I say to the yentas, they’re going to repeat 10x over so I should just quit while I’m ahead and avoid conversations with them (continuation of A.)
d.Show a bad face to the neighbors because that will give them something to yent about. E.g. asking them for a cup of oil would be like, omg, they can’t even afford vegetable oil in their house…omg. Ok, I’m sorry that’s ridiculous to me. I walk down the street to my neighbor’s house for a cup of sugar if my mom is baking, I doubt that Mrs. Nicolo thinks that our house is now going into foreclosure and we couldn’t pay for our own sugar, therefore have to mooch off of hers. RIDICULOUS!
4. I can only use the white school shirt on days that I have gym.
I have two shirt options for school: Light blue that doesn’t really bring out my eyes, or white that looks better with my hair/skin/eye combo. Obv going to choose to wear the white shirt more than the blue shirt, but I have been reprimanded various times before I go to school because I’m told that the white shirt is only for some days. Ok, literally every day there is like a 35/65 split of white to blue, and not everyone had gym every day, so clearly it doesn’t matter. UGH.
5.There are proper boys that I’m allowed to date (must fit at least 1):
a. Must be wealthy (not said, I’m inferring this one)
b.Can’t dance (totes true, goes with number 2)
c. Must live in Renascença, Ponta d’Areia, or another wealthy neighborhood of SLZ (not said)
d. Must be deemed attractive, if not, they’re seen as a target to be made fun of by the family (not said, but I have examples)
e.Must fulfill the Macho way and be able to drop me off, not I drop them off. (was said, but in a nicer way, so therefore going back to letter A)
6. Proper Hair Cuts (not said, but goes along with 5. d)
a. No Mohawks
b.No hair dye (for a boy)
c.No pixie cuts, because long hair is just prettier
d.Anything that is not “normal”
7.I must buy the proper brand of hair dye
I don’t know if you know, but I dyed my hair blonde. At first the color was a little shocking, but now I’m starting to really like it. 1. I think it looks like Shakira (score) 2. It’s like a strawberry blonde, which goes along well with my skin/eyes etc. I was reprimanded for not using L’Oreal brand dye (R$15), I used Cor n Touch (R$7). That is why my color is sort of changing and it’s not how I wanted it etc. Ok, imschuldik meer (like ex-ca-useeee me in Yiddish), I like the color that my hair is and I didn’t know that there was a proper vs. not proper hair dye.
8.Amount of money spent on certain activities:
a. Spending money on an activity that I like, e.g. dance/a gym membership= not ok/form of praising Satan/ wasting my time etc (said in not so many words)
b.Sitting at home, not being active, gaining weight that I clearly don’t want to gain = YAYYY!! Best exchange student ever!!!
Vomit in and around my mouth area.
9.I must wear the proper shoes for school:
I think every reader will 1% remember my black All Stars. Ok, I love these shoes! I’ve had them since freshman year and they have literally been everywhereeeeeee in the world. Spain, France, Israel, Brazil, Argentina, Uruguay, literally everywhere. I know that they’re old and dirty, but I love them simply because I feel like they have so many memories! Like to walk all around the world like that, they mean something to me! I’ve been reprimanded that they’re ugly and dirty and therefore should not be worn to school. Instead, I should wear a pair of sneakers that I bought here that are newer, but sometimes are too tight on my feet and hurt. Didn’t realize my shoe choice had such an impact on your life etc…
10. I must eat proper snacks:
I don’t remember if I’ve said this before, but I like eating apples, carrots, and other types of fruit/vegetables. Whenever I eat one of these healthy choices, I am looked at as if I were eating raw pig intestine and frequently badgered that that is all I eat. Yes, instead, I should eat the snacks that are unhealthy and fattening because….dot dot dot, still waiting on a reason. Like I genuinely like eating fruit/veggies. Everyone knows that for lunch every day I brought lemon apples and carrots. Like not that shocking, ugh.
11. The foods that I drink with water:
I like water. I drink water all the time. 1. Because it’s the elixir of life 2. Because it’s good 3. Why drink soda when my thirst is quenched just as well via water? Every time that I drink water with pizza, my lunch, breakfast, fruit, bread, really anything when isn’t just water by itself, I’m looked at in an odd way and also told to drink soda—which I politely refuse. Ok, everyone says how much Americans drink soda, but Brazilians totally win the award. Two days ago my brother brought home a 3LITER (3 LITERS!! DOES THAT EVEN EXIST IN THE US??!!) of Coke. K grool. By yesterday is was basically empty and today it was gone… 3 liters?! That’s ridiculous.
12. Allowed places in my daily travels etc:
a. Reviver= OK only during the day. Once night hits, the eclectic people that frequent this part of the city turn into monsters and have an 87.3% chance of eating me.
b. Rio Anil Shopping= Ok, but seen as far. The reason I choose to go there is that the busses frequent this mall more than São Luís, so if you can’t take me, how about you don’t complain about the one that I choose to go to..
13. Good vs. Bad Reggae (not said)
a. Chama Maré: (Reggae Bar in SLZ) Ok reggae bar, not filled with people smoking weed, drinking, and participating in other activities… R$15 a entrada
b. Bar do Nelson: At the other end of the beach that is filled with Prostitutes, Regueiras smoking weed etc, and other bad things. $10 a entrada, therefore “not as nice.”
i. Ok, I’ve been to both bars and basically they have the same things. There is no difference between them besides their name and location.
14. Proper duration before you can become friends with someone
a. I started dancing and quickly became friends with “the people from dance.” A group of boys and girls, mais ou menos, my age, that all enjoy the same thing: dancing. I was reprimanded that I became friends with everyone too quickly and that it baffles my family as to why… hmmmm, let’s think, maybe because I like them? Isn’t that how normal friendships work?
b. I’m only here for a year…every relationship that I have already made, potentially will have, will have a quick start and a quick end aka when I leave. Soo…how does that make any sense?
15. Proper friends:
This sort of is a continuation of 5d.
a. Must be of my social level (not said), but “won’t want me going to a dangerous neighborhood” aka a poor neighborhood.
b. can’t look 1% different or will be made fun of. Example: my friend had recently cut his hair into a Mohawk. Yes, I told him not to, but not it looks pretty hot, not gonna lie. My brother asked me one day when he was coming over, “Is the chicken coming over?” “The chicken? What?” I didn’t get that he had given the nickname “O Galo” to my friend because of his Mohawk. As members of my family laughed about this, I turned to my Brazilian cousin and said, “I don’t tell him his girlfriend is chubby, because that’s not the right/nice thing to say, but totes ok, you’re more than welcome to make fun of someone that I might care about. Thnx family.
16. Proper types of dance (obviously, just the ones that I’m not learning):
a. Forró: Currently, there are essentially two types of forró, Pé de Serra, which is “traditional” and Modern/Electric. I learned to dance modern/electric, 1. Because it’s more fun, 2, because I like it more 3. If I go out to dance, they’re going to play Aviões do Forró, not some random band with a guy banging a triangle. I was told that I am not learning the “right” kind of forró and that I should learn how to dance Pé de Serra because that’s “real” forró.
b. Tecnobrega: I showed a video to my family of me dancing tecnobrega. I was told that that’s not “real” brega and that what I’m learning isn’t right. I went out last week to dance this and was one of the best people dancing there, obv I’m doing the right thing.
c. As we know, Carnaval is coming up. Carnaval =Samba. Instead of going right into Samba from Melody, I decided to take a break in Salsa. I was told that now is the time Samba and that I shouldn’t be learning salsa now.
d. Oh, and I’ve also been told to lessen the number of dance classes that I do…but at the same time learn all of the things that people want me to learn. How will I do that? Nem idea!
17. I have to tell them everything so that if my family finds out something that I didn’t explicitly tell them, they don’t look stupid for hearing from another person (not said).
18. I must tell my mom everywhere I’m going. Ok, really? Am I 12? I forgot…
19. I must show/act like we’re the best family/I’m the best exchange student ever!! (not said)
20. A teacher is not a friend
a. If someone says they’re my teacher, they can’t be my friend, too. E.g. dance/ Portuguese teacher
21. I can’t walk around in my PJs because there are men in my house (you act like I’m using sexy lingerie, and not oversized basketball pinnies etc).
22. You can have prejudices, but you keep them to yourself, or you just don’t admit to having them. Kind of like the other Rotary 4 Ds: Do it, don’t get caught, deny it, do it again. (Obviously not said, or that would go against their own rule lol).
So these are the 22 rules to my life now. I don’t mean to paint the picture of family being terrible mean hearted people because they’re not. I am happy to be in this family and I appreciate everything that they have done for me. My family really does mean well and I enjoy their company and the relationship that I have with them. The part that gets me is from our different upbringings, some of these rules are ridiculous to me and I find it very hard to accept them. There is a SOJA songs that goes like this, “You can’t tell me who I am/ Cause I’m working on that too/ What’s right for me, just ain’t right for you.” Which I think is very true. The people that I live with have had a very different experience in life, overall, than me. Being an upper middle class American is very different than upperclass Brazilian. All I can say is thank you Turk and Nance for giving me such a liberal upbringing, where I can accept people for who they are mesmo, and not just how many dollar signs appear when I see them.
I hope that you, readers, have been able to laugh at these rules, because even though very frequently fire appears in my eyes, I have come to laugh and just continue with my life. Ok, sometimes (a lot of the time :$) I’m not as passive as maybe I “should” be, but I’m not that kind of person. Bitchez betta recognize!!!
K xoxo!!
kf
